listening to: radiohead- no surprises

its really dark in here, i'm just alone in this place with eyes locked to the comp screen. haz took hamish to the spa, they'll be back later, an hour or two..kiki and the rest of the gang are down stairs at the mamak, rafeh and akshay went to play with the cat, richard is sleeping on the bed, mustafa is lock in his room, and everybody else went somewhere i dont know...i wonder how things are gonna turn up later...hmm i nearly got caught by my mom, lying. i dont like lying but sometimes i have to or else i wont get the chance to have my liberation. i miss her.
my lecturer daniel always made a face whenever i show him my work, and i dont understand that face..something like the "are you sure?" kinda look ya know? the comments i get for my work are always gothic, dark or even political..like what the hell?
i wish i could be at the time of the hippies, abandon all responsibilities to do something for the world. but if i have to relive the hippy days, more people were going to die in battles and there's racism, prejudice and such shit..

step by step
he dances across the floor
they walk in and out
through the wooden door
tick tock tick tock
its running its running
it wont wait for you
its going its going
slap this cheek with your cold troubled hand
shake me wake me
i have to understand
whats going on
who i am
the times running out
the candles burning out
you can scream and you can shout

i have not written anything for days, it upsets me. i thought it was a gift and i dont want to trade it for any social causes, never in a million years...
i feel really sick today, i couldnt stop coughing and i lacked of sleep. i could pass out even when eating fries...unbelievable but true.
come to think of it, i have mountains of work which i have to complete before another mountains of work started to barge their way in to my life. the sad thing is that i'm not inspired in any way that i couldnt design. i thought i designed some okay stuff but i knew that my lecturer would reject them again and again until you'll cry him a river and let him drown in it.
i've been really creepy now, i think. i've been so curious about Jeff Buckley's death that i want him to appear and tell me about it himself...just please dont tell me he killed himself. if he did kill himself, i'm gonna pray to God to bring him back to life so that i could kill him myself..

boom doom

i cant escape the idea of having a presentation tomorrow, a process presentation and i dont have any prop to demonstrate, just great.
this is what you get for late work, you're just unprepared.
i feel lately like i'm very inept or inert, which suck buttocks! there're these clouds that surround me so i cant refocus, like i'm still in the process in between falling asleep and waking up. and i hate the feeling and i feel it everyday.
and i'm deeply upset that i'm starting to smoke again but not constantly. the smart thing is that i dont buy them i asked around hahah..oh slap me!
i cant wait to go home, its been too long. i need to rest. and its good to see me mom again and my brother who just had his 15th birthday yesterday, he's a big boy now. hope he's behaving well.
i forgot to wish hamish happy birthday, whoops....he'll forgive me :)

yellow line

i sat on a dull stairway, wondering whats out there
i cant seem to be aware
staring with red eyes at a landscape
it upsets me, i need to escape

theres black paint on the floor
whats happening? nobody's here anymore?
no honey, nobody walks through this door
i dont know what i'm here for

run running and never stopping
feel the rain, the sun peeling my skin
you cant stop me, not anyone
its just me, the rain and the sun

i walk slow on the desert highway
i had the chance but i throw it all away
the cars that passed me said i lost my mind
as i try to act sober, walking straight on the yellow line.

mama i'm sorry, you didnt raise me this way
i promise you i'll be home someday
papa i feel the strain on your neck
but i have to go now and never look back

as i run running and never stopping
feel the rain, the sun peeling my skin
you cant stop me, not anyone
its just me now, the rain and the sun.

written by: me.

listening to: jeff buckley- grace

it was an okay day. just okay. typical. normal...
i have an oral presentation on wednesday and i have no topic which is pretty much a screwed up point for me. i only have a day to find one. i dont enjoy just simply any topic. if i dont feel it, i prefer not doing it at all. so God, let me be inspired! i beg of you!
i learnt something really cool today, its during the design history subject, first time i didnt yawn in class.. :) she told us about the psychedelic period. and during this time, musicians arise to protest againts the war in vietnam and politics. hippies were born as well as LSD. hehe
its their frustration againts the war and it helps them produce brilliant music and art. like The Who, Bob Dylan, Jimmmy hendrix, the beatles and so on....

the morning after...

listening to: iron and wine- flightless bird, american mouth

this is the morning after, after a night of heavy drinking with a bunch of friends. now i feel like shit and my head is spinning and i'm going to sink on my bed like titanic right after this. i didnt expect to get drunk last night, maybe i did but i didnt expect to puke millions of times and it was sick to see your own puke and it was sick for other people to watch you looking at your own puke. what cheap booze can do eh? during a game of truth and dare (mostly dares towards the end because we ran out of questions to ask) i passed out,it was the weirdest night ever, so far. at least i didnt pass out by myself, kay went KO and they puked as well and it made me feel secure that i wasnt alone in this haha. what happened during the game stays only with the people that were involved. it was the time when you're so deep in hell that you didnt give a shit of what people dare you to do...so yeah..scary haha.

the minds werent functioning at all, my vision was blurry and i thought i was blind. hafiz carried me half way towards his car until i begged him to put me down so i could throw up again. later, ann and kay joined me to clear everything out of their systems which was funny. everything felt so nice when he opened the window and let the cold air of the night (or morning, i dont know) brushed your face haaaaaah..everyone lost track of time and we end the night (or morning) crashing in hafiz's place..

i'm going to bed, cheers.

things that filled my thoughts in the shower...

i'm a mime in the city,
i'm a bad tv and its comedy,
i'm a spilled cup of coffee,
i'm politics and its dirty money,
i'm the wind and its broken kite,
i'm a brand new bulb that cannot light,
i'm a dancer standing still,
i'm a prey waiting for its turn to kill,
i'm the gas chambers and the holocaust,
i'm more invisible than a lonely ghost,
i'm a whealthy man when his broke,
i'm a broken man longing for his coke,
i'm an angel throwing up,
i'm addicted i cannot stop,
i'm a judge that cannot decide,
i'm a shut window and carbon monoxide,
i'm the overpaid chef that cannot cook,
i'm a bookworm falling asleep on his favourite book,
i'm a lunatic driver who cannot see,
i'm the plastic flower on a plastic tree,
i'm a chief police without his badge,
i'm a puppet with no string attached,
i'm a detuned radio with its buzzing sound,
i'm the circus without its frightful clown,
i'm a talk show host who has nothing much to say,
i'm a wedding on a rainy day.




puppet master.